


Breaking the Cycle

by Burningchaos



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-01-08
Updated: 2005-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 23:03:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17354279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burningchaos/pseuds/Burningchaos
Summary: Seventh year, Voldie is dead and it is time for a change





	Breaking the Cycle

**October**

Harry threw his arm over his face; the sunlight that was steaming through the windows hurt his newly healed eyes. When that wasn’t enough, he rolled over on the bed. He was in the hospital wing. Again. He was tired of this. It never changed. It was always Draco starting a fight, and him finishing it. Harry the winner, the hero; Draco, the loser, the coward. It was a never-ending cycle that caused nothing but pain. Now, though, Harry wondered if it had to be this way. He had never really given Draco a chance, if it came right down to it. From the first moment he had seen the blond Harry had thought he was a prat. First it was the attitude that reminded him of Dudley. Then it was because of the way he had insulted Ron on the first day. Harry thought about it for a moment. Wasn’t Ron doing exactly the same thing to Draco that day? Hasn’t he done the same everyday since?

Sighing, Harry turned and looked toward the bed where his ‘nemesis’ lay unconscious. He was ashamed of this fight. Yes, Draco had started it, but for once he had only spoken the truth. He had changed; he was colder now and did avoid his friends more. He did spend most of his time alone, hiding, trying to escape. Draco hadn’t deserved what Harry had done to him, and now…now Harry needed to find a way to fix this; all of the resentment and pain. He needed to try to be Draco’s friend. Harry knew it wasn’t going to be easy, Draco was anything but easy. Truthfully, Harry had to admit, neither was he. He was just as stubborn as Draco, but this time HE was going to be the one to back down. Not that he knew why, he felt the urge to do this. In fact, he would rather not examine the feelings behind this too closely. 

Yes, Harry knew this was going to be harder than defeating Voldemort in his sixth year. In fact, even though he had survived that, Harry wasn’t at all sure he would come out of this endeavour alive. When you boil it down, Voldemort had just been a madman. Draco, however, was not mad, just rightfully pissed and in full possession of all his facilities. Plus his friends might just be the ones to kill him; if Draco didn’t first.

Harry slowly sat up. Merlin, he hurt from head to toe. Draco had really nailed him this time. It didn’t help that Madame Pomfrey was mad. She had warned them both the last time that she would only heal life-threatening injuries from that point on. It was a lesson, she had said. Harry hadn’t known the woman knew how to be cruel. She had fixed his eyes, and healed the broken bones, but nothing else. He didn’t even know all that was wrong with Draco. For him to still be out, though, didn’t bode well. Harry grabbed the edge of the bed and stood, teetering for a moment as the world spun. Taking a deep breath, he made his way over to Draco’s bed and sat in the chair next to him. As soon as Draco woke up, Harry was going to apologize. It was never too soon to start eating crow. 

Draco groaned as he fought his way to consciousness. He was aware of every ache, every bruise. Fucking Potter, it was his fault; it was always his fault. Merlin, he really needed to learn to keep his mouth shut. He was so sick of losing to Harry. Draco heard a noise next by his head; he opened his eyes as quickly as he could. Alertness was necessary when you are labelled a traitor. Draco nearly flinched, but managed to restrain himself. Weary green eyes bore into his. _Potter_ he almost sneered, but for some reason the look on Harry’s face gave him pause. 

Harry looked at Draco, he knew he looked afraid, how could he not? “Um, ah…Malfoy…wait…I mean Draco…”

Draco sighed; this was going to take all day. Although he might be lying in this bed, he refused to have to stare at Potter and listen to him blather on this way. “Potter, just spit it out, you are making my head hurt worse then it already does. Which, by the way, I just want to add is _Your_ fault.” Draco closed his eyes against the pain. 

“Yeah, about that...I wanted to just say I was sorry for, well…attacking you that way. I was wrong.” Harry looked shame-faced. His eyes were filled with regret and sorrow. Draco’s eyes had snapped open at the word sorry and taking in the way Harry looked and was shocked. Harry looked truly was sorry. Taken aback, Draco was at a loss. This was a first. Harry pressed on, “You were only stating the truth. I shouldn’t have gone off on you that way, and well, I was hoping you would let me make it up to you.” 

Draco’s eyes narrowed. He was confused, and he hated that. “Alright, Potter, what is the catch?” Harry sighed heavily; his shoulders slumped at Draco’s words. Nope, Draco was never easy and it was so hard to find the right words. Everything he came up with sounded trite. Words were not his strong point, he needed to find a way to make Draco understand.

“There is no catch. Truthfully, I am tired of ending up here once a week. I am tired of this stupid cycle we have going. We fight, we get hurt, and then we hate each other even more afterwards. I just don’t have it in me anymore. I refuse to keep playing this stupid game or fighting this battle with you.” Harry looked at Draco; his sincerity was written all over his face. He was a terrible liar. He couldn’t hide anything.

“Alright, Potter, I am game but I warn you, I will hex you into next year if you are playing me.” Draco’s tone was edgy. He knew Potter wasn’t the sort to pull a prank like this, still though he had never been one to trust. If Harry were in fact telling the truth, then it would be awhile before Draco let his guard down.  
**Early December**  
Harry sighed. This idea he had about being friends with Draco was harder than he thought it would be. The other boy was just unwilling or unable to trust him. Everything Harry did was met with suspicion and mistrust. Every gesture he made was rebuked. It had been months since they decided to give it a go. Well, since Harry had decided to give it a go. Draco had obviously just been humouring him. It was almost Christmas and Draco was just…being Draco.  
Harry leaned his head against the window as he looked outside. Draco was out flying, dipping and swerving. It was almost a dance; the grace and ease with which he flew had begun to impress Harry more and more. Draco only seemed to look happy while he was flying alone. If someone came up to him, or joined him, tension suddenly appeared in every line of his body. Harry wanted desperately for Draco to trust him, to put something into this friendship Harry was trying so hard to develop. Everyone berated Harry, going on and on about how it was a waste of time, how Draco would never let him in. Harry was starting to believe them and that hurt more than he thought it would. Harry decided to give it one last try, grabbing his broom and cloak he headed outside. If Draco rebuked him this time, Harry was just going to let this friendship die, not that it had much of a life to begin with.  
Harry shivered as the icy, cold wind bit into him; he could feel it through his cloak almost instantly. Shaking his head, Harry decided that Draco had gone around the bend to be out here in weather like this. Still he pressed on; today all would be decided. Reaching the pitch, Harry mounted his broom and neared Draco. He watched the blond still his broom and wait for him, the tension building in his slight frame.  
“Potter, what do you want?” Draco shouted above a gust of wind that bobbled their brooms. Draco’s voice was harsh; it disturbed Harry that he was already being defensive.  
“I thought I could fly with you, if you don’t mind?” Harry forced cheerfulness he didn’t feel into his voice. Harry knew he should be used to rejection, but he had never tried this hard before at anything. He had never wanted anything so badly. Harry watched Draco frown, that was it then. Draco didn’t even want to try.  
“It’s all right, Draco. I get it; I don’t know why I even bothered. Everyone told me I was an idiot.” Harry shook his head and speed to the ground. Getting off his broom he tried desperately not to cry, he couldn’t understand why this had been so important, or why failing hurt so much. It shouldn’t matter he knew that. But it did.  
“Potter, wait!” Draco shouted as he got off his broom and raced toward Harry. Harry stopped and turned towards Draco. He wasn’t sure what Draco wanted, in fact right now he didn’t care. He had lost and for once, Draco had won. As Harry turned back towards the castle he wondered if Draco was going to gloat. He was tired, too tired for that. It was over.  
“Potter, what is your problem? I asked you to wait.” Draco trotted along side of Harry.  
Harry broke. Rage suddenly replaced all the hurt; he whirled towards the Slytherin, “Why should I go out of my way to do anything for you, Draco? Tell me, if you were me, would you? Because all I have done it wait. I have waited for you to trust me. I have waited for you to return my friendship. I have waited and waited only to be slapped down at every turn. I don’t want to wait for you anymore, Draco.” Harry shrugged, “It isn’t worth it. None of this is worth it. I am sick of feeling like I have failed.” Harry started to walk away.  
“Harry…I, you are right. It is just that…Well...” Draco paused for a moment and then rushed on.  
“Harry,” Draco’s voice was almost incoherent, “Don’t give up on me, yet. I am trying. I know it doesn’t seem it but I am.”  
Harry stopped, his heart beating so quickly he thought it would burst, his anger suddenly abated with Draco’s words. It was so easy to forget that Draco never really trusted anyone, or possibly never even had a real friend. Harry wanted to smack himself for being an idiot. Not to mention Draco had practically just apologized. That was something completely new. Harry felt a rush of something he didn’t quite understand. It was hope, is blossomed inside him and he welcomed it. It had been long absent in his life.  
Harry reached out and placed his hand on Draco’s arm. He squeezed gently and smiled, “So, do you want to go get some hot chocolate?”  
Draco looked up, his face still tight and shadowed. He forced a bit of a smile as he spoke. “Yeah, it is fairly cold out, isn’t it?”  
Harry started to walk and Draco fell in beside him. The silence was comfortable as the both enjoyed the new understanding they had come to.

**The week of Christmas**

 

Draco stared at Harry; The Boy Who Lived had turned his world upside down. It stunned him on every level that Harry would want to be his friend now, even after all that had happened. It seemed impossible to wrap his mind around, not to mention the fact that friends weren’t something he knew how to work with. Crabbe and Goyle weren’t exactly friends, they never had been. Pansy had been too busy trying to shag him and so had Blaise, for that matter. No, Draco had never had a true and sincere offer of friendship before. He had offered it to Harry once. No, he thought that wasn’t true. He had wanted to be Harry’s friend then because of whom he was, not out of any desire for real friendship.

It was hard to let Harry in, to trust him. They had been at each other for so long, and had been so horribly cruel it was just impossible to really believe that it was over. Yet, here was Harry saying hello everyday, pushing, trying. Truthfully, Draco knew deep down he was afraid. He was afraid he would get used to having Harry around, hearing him laugh, watching him smile. He was afraid he would come to depend on it and have it snatched away, afraid that it was all a lie. Like everything else had been.

Draco hated Christmas now. He used to love it. He would go home and in the privacy of Malfoy Manor his parents could and would show him their love. It had always been an amazing thing when he got the rare hug from his father. Yes, Lucius had been a hard and demanding taskmaster. He had frequently been disappointed in his only son, but that didn’t dampen the love Draco had had for him. Draco’s mother on the other hand had been openly affectionate the second the manor doors were closed. She loved her son without pause or reservations. Narcissus had been a wonderful mother. Now, they were both gone. For as much as they had loved him, they had wanted what Voldemort had offered even more. The manor was sitting quiet now. Dust was slowly setting everywhere and an oppressive silence reigned. Draco refused to go back there so his Christmas would be here at Hogwarts this year. 

Draco looked down at his plate; he should get Harry a present. But what? He didn’t have a single clue, but that is what friend’s were supposed to do and strangely he found himself wanting to. Draco pushed his food about on his plate, not really hungry, but not wanting to leave. He enjoyed the companionable silence that seemed to accompany Harry. It still amazed Draco that since Harry’s outburst they had both been more comfortable. Looking up he saw Harry staring at him the goofy smile on his face always made his stomach do strange things. Draco wasn’t ever sure what to make of that look, but he knew that now it was something he always wanted to be on the receiving end of. 

“Harry, would you like to go to Diagonal Alley with me tomorrow?” Draco pushed a bit of beef around not wanting to look at Harry as he asked. It was the first time he had asked Harry to do anything with him. 

Smiling brightly, Harry reached over and touched Draco’s arm, forcing him to look up. “Yeah, Draco, I’ll go. You want to go somewhere special or just wander around shopping for Christmas?” 

Draco felt a smile forming; it was happening more and more, “Just Christmas stuff, I should get Severus something, after all. So bright and early or after lunch?”

“Draco, it is a Saturday. You getting out of bed bright and early will involve lots hexing, and I am just not up for that.” Harry laughed as he spoke.

“So, after lunch it is.” Draco found himself laughing too; it had been such a long time that the others in the hall began to stare. 

Draco laughed as he and Harry walked down the street. He had never thought appearing in public with Harry Potter at his side would cause such a stir. That Harry found it amusing was evident, that is if his smile and laughter were anything to go by. 

“Did you see…”

“Yeah, that guy nearly fell over when he saw us.” Draco covered his mouth trying to contain himself, but it was just too funny. Harry’s hand was covering his stomach as they stood and watched the drama. It was so easy, laughing with Harry. He hadn’t thought it would be but Harry had a sense of humor remarkably like his own. 

“So, they must think I am subverting you, creating a new Dark Lord” Draco waggled his fingers in a way reminiscent of the dementor incident while chuckling.

“Oh yes, because you are just the most evil git on the planet and thereby I must now be evil by association.” Harry stepped back mock horror on his face. “Maybe I should start screaming and running for help? It would be appropriate and think of how happy it would make everyone.” Harry leaned against the wall of Flourish and Blotts and set down his bags.

“It is so funny how people react to seeing us together. If I had known it would be this fun I would have suggested it ages ago.”

Draco smirked; he was having a wonderful time, too. “Harry, you are quite perverse, really entirely too perverse for Gryffindor.” 

“Draco, I have a story to tell you sometime about that, but right now I need to get Hermione a present. Do you want to go in with me?” Harry gestured toward the bookstore.

Draco paused he really wanted to stay with Harry, but he had yet to find his friend a present. It was becoming frustrating how hard Harry was to buy for.

“No, I think I shall head over to…er…that new store by Gringotts. I have been wanting to look through there.”

“Draco, it is called Wiz-Mart. What could you possibly want there?”

“Yes, well I had heard that there was evil there that never slept, and I just want to see…” Draco was grinning like an idiot he just knew it. 

Harry shook his head “Fine, don’t tell me where you are going. I’ll meet you at Fortescue’s in an hour. Alright?” Draco nodded and Harry went in to try and find something for Hermione that she didn’t already own.

Draco turned and walked down the street, he had no clue what to get Harry. It wasn’t as if he was adept at gift giving. It had been easy with his parents, father anything with or about dark magic, mother something pretty or to do with grooming. Draco stopped short. Grooming. That was it. He turned and hurried past Flourish and Blotts, he knew exactly what to get Harry now. 

**A week before Valentine’s Day**

Draco had been lying to himself he knew it now. He was sure everyone knew it. He had convinced himself that Harry was a good friend, his best and, yes, only friend, but it was a lie. It was in fact the biggest lie he had ever created. Draco watched Justin flirting with Harry, and Harry smiling that coy smile of his while blushing. He felt something within him burst. They had gotten closer since Christmas and New Years. Harry had loved the gag gift, as he called it. It wasn’t what Draco had intended it to be, but as long as it had made Harry smile it was good for him. Draco fingered the snitch shaped pendant Harry had given him laced with every protection spell he had known. Draco watched Harry’s tongue flick out and wet his lower lip. Draco grabbed his bag and headed out, he couldn’t stand it any more. 

Draco leaned against the wall outside the Great Hall, he was unaware that Harry had seen him leave and had followed him. Draco fought for control; he didn’t want to lose Harry. He couldn’t, not now, not ever. His heart felt heavy, he couldn’t understand how he had gone fighting to be friends to in love so quickly. It had only been a few months. Damn Harry for pushing and pushing. If it was always going to hurt this much to just be his friend, then maybe he should have turned away at the start of this.

Harry stood silently; he saw Draco leaning against the wall with his shoulders slumped. He knew there was something wrong, there had been for several weeks and this just proved it. Draco looked so defeated, so broken. Harry had figured out why he needed to stop the on going ‘war’ with Draco almost a month ago, it had been a stunning revelation. Harry had to that point been sure he was straight. After all if a drunk, slithering Seamus couldn’t cause you to get a hard on with his talented tongue and nimble fingers, it was pretty much a given that you weren’t gay. 

Harry grinned briefly at the memory of the argument they had had over him teaching Draco a muggle game. They had been out after hours on the pitch laughing and playing hide and seek when it had hit him. He had felt as he had been trampled by a Hippogriff, the attraction and desire to kiss Draco had nearly overwhelmed him. He had thought nothing could hurt that much, until Draco started pulling away, that is.

Harry hesitated, he wanted to help Draco, but he didn’t want to lose him. He was too important. Harry had never felt like this before. His stomach was fluttering, his palms were sweating. Being around Draco was better than Quidditch. Moving to Draco’s side so not to startle him, Harry cleared his throat to announce his presence. Draco turned quickly, his face pale and shuttered as he saw who was there.

“Harry,“ Draco stopped he didn’t have a clue what to say. He gave Harry a weak smile and started to walk toward the lake. “You coming?” Harry nodded; he knew where they would go. It seemed Draco loved the water as much as he loved to fly.

They walked in silence; it was nothing unusual for them. They had learned to be comfortable with the silences, but this one held no comfort. This silence was heavy and tense; both boys were lost in their own pain and thoughts. 

As they got closer to the lake, Draco began to panic. He suddenly felt that he couldn’t do this, he couldn’t just be Harry’s friend. He could not imagine a life watching Harry loving someone that wasn’t him. He stopped, his stomach turning, and turned toward Harry. 

“I can’t do this, I just can’t” Draco paced as he spoke. Harry watched him with a solemn expression. He hadn’t seen Draco this upset since they had made their peace with one another. He felt further and further away from him with each passing second.

“Can’t do what Draco? What is wrong? I thought we were friends? But you won’t talk to me; we haven’t done anything together in days. I miss you!” Harry felt his face flush with anger, he knew he was going too far, he knew he had to be careful not to reveal how he felt. His mouth was so dry; his hands were sweating this was worse than the day he apologized.

Draco had stilled as Harry ranted. He watched Harry licking his lips again, and knew he had to do it. He just couldn’t let things stay this way and it was breaking him in two. “I can’t be your friend anymore, Harry. I just can’t.” His voice started to break; he could feel the tears building behind his eyes and refused to give in to them. He turned to go only to be pulled up short by a very hurt and angry Harry.

“So that’s it, you suddenly decide to walk away from this, because…” Harry trailed off, confusion written all over his face, it warred with the pain in his eyes, “because why, Draco? Tell me, did I do something? What? I refuse to just let you go!”

Wincing Draco yanked his arm away, “Harry, I tried, I really did. I can’t be your friend, though. I just can’t.” Harry was sure he was dead, he couldn’t be hurting this much and still be alive. He needed to know.

“Fine. I will let you go; I’ll pretend we were never friends. That we never laughed. I’ll try to forget that fact that I haven’t had this much fun in, well ever. But you need to tell me why!” 

Draco knew it was over either way, “I can’t be your friend because I am in love with you. I can’t sit by and watch you fall in love, be with someone else. I thought I could, but I can’t.”

Harry stilled, his chest heaving, his heart was pounding so loudly he was sure they could hear it in the castle. He moved without a thought, without any words, thrusting his hands into Draco’s hair and pulling his mouth to his. He kissed him like he had wanted to for weeks. He wanted to devour Draco, crawl inside his skin, to taste every inch of his body. Draco whimpered, opening his mouth under the onslaught of Harry’s attack. Harry took full advantage, plunging his tongue in to his love’s mouth. They fought for control, grasping, biting as they fell to the ground. 

Draco groaned as he hit the ground, reality sinking in. Harry felt Draco pulling away. He paused and felt himself harden at the sight of Draco’s bruised, swollen lips. He pulled himself back, kneeling in front of Draco watching as he pulled himself up. 

“Draco, I don’t want to be just your friend either, I don’t think I ever did. I wanted more from the start but didn’t know it. Please tell me you want this; that you want us to be together.” 

“Harry, I want this. I want this more than I have ever wanted anything before,” Draco smiled for the first time in days, “I want to be your friend and lover. I refuse to accept anything less.” 

Harry moved in more slowly this time, he wanted to savor the taste of Draco’s lips as he captured them in a tender kiss. He reached down and entwined his fingers with Draco’s “That works for me,” he murmured against Draco’s mouth.


End file.
